Today did not go as well as I would have liked. It was Labor Day and I came into work to make up some hours that I was missing. I only worked for 3 ½ hours and I thought I would be able for sure to wear my corset for that long of a time, seeing that I wore it for that long when I was first seasoning my corset. But the overwhelming anxiety of being “on call” and have technological issues made my stomach so upset that I had to take off my corset after only 1 hour. Usually this would have lead me to feel really shitty about myself and caused me so be in a “bad headspace” (how I describe my state of mind when I am feeling the brunt of my depression) but I was surprisingly okay with it. I knew that I was doing the right thing by taking off my corset. My body was reaching out to me telling me that it just wasn’t ready. I am just proud that I listened to my body and did not push myself into pain and I was so proud of myself for the sole fact that I even got up and put on my corset for work, something that is a great accomplishment for me since I love to excuse myself from doing the things in the morning because I just don’t want to give up.
Today was much easier to wear my corset. I barely felt that it was there, except for the upright sitting position and not having the ability to bend over. But I was proud to be wearing my corset. I could tell that my body was still getting used to wearing it and it is still forming to my figure as I had to readjust it often so that it sat perfectly where it needed to be. I wore my corset for 6 hours before I decided to take it off. I never felt the need to take it off I just didn’t want to push myself too far and not realize that I did and jeopardize my future corset wearing. Taking off the corset was really sad; I had stared at myself for about 5 minutes in the mirror just admiring the figure that I had before I took it off. When I did take off the corset I felt naked, exposed and light. But even though I had taken off the corset I didn’t hate the figure that was looking back at me. I felt like my stomach was flatter (probably due to the lack of gas build up that I normally have on a day to day basis) and that my waist had that curve that was so desirable but I yearned to have it back on again. I felt very proud of myself and I am looking forward to pushing it one more hour tomorrow.
Today I barely felt the corset on at all. I still had to do adjusting but that is my fault for moving so much and not keeping my posture as straight as it should be. I can feel myself sometimes slouch and the steel bones of the corset are pushing back on me, this is something that I will need to continue to work on. I wore the corset for 7 hour before I felt like it needed to come off. My stomach was hurting (probably due to the milk I had this morning) and I didn’t want to push myself any further. I didn’t want to overwhelm myself or push myself too hard in fear that I might damage myself and the corset making me have to take a break from it. After I took off the corset I felt that empty feeling. My torso felt naked as I went back to my desk and my posture definitely worsened as the day went on by me not having that support that I needed. I just need to take this one day at a time and not force myself into something to fast and “fail” at it causing me to sink down and abandon it. I need to stay positive and know that this is a long process, not something that can be done overnight and not something that I can force my body into accepting. I have to listen to it and respect what it is saying. Knowing that I will be able to wear outfits and take photos with confidence once more is the driving factor to get myself through the rough beginning into the habit that forms to the lifestyle that made.
Today I made it to 8 ½ hours before I took it off. I wanted to go until 4 so I could be at 9 hours but I had a conference call at 4 and had to leave right after for my physical therapy appointment for my foot where I did not want to wear my corset because I need to have my full range of motion. Wearing it today was a lot easier that yesterday. I did not have to adjust myself as much but I the new sitting position has put strain on my tailbone causing that to hurt when I sit too long. But this is also good because I need to stand more to help keep the circulation up throughout my body. (I think I will invest is a support for my chair to help elevate that pressure). Today I did feel slight pressure on my rib cage from my corset, nothing painful just enough that I was aware that it was there. But I never felt out of breath or in any kind of pain. I am feeling more and more confident about wearing it, like I know that it is the right fit for
me. I can also tell that in the future I will need to get my corsets custom made if I want to continue to shape down. The type of corset that I am wearing is called a “waspie” and it is known for being shorter. On an average/taller woman this would look live a very over-sized belt in comparison but on my short stature is pushing being too long for me. I can also tell that one of my hips (my right hip) sits higher than my left. I feel more pressure on this side on my ribs and my corset touches more of my hip on this side. This might be another reason why getting a custom corset in the future may be a good investment. But that will be down the road and when I get closer to my goal and have lost the weight that I am seeking to shed.
Today was a little harder to keep the corset on for 9 hours, which was the goal. I had to take it off at the 8 hour mark. I did close my corset more this morning and felt comfortable with it but around that 8 hour mark I felt of the pressure of the bones and felt that I needed to take it off. Once I took it off I immediately missed wearing it but knew that it was for the best that I take it off. Yesterday evening I felt myself pining over my corset and felt tempted to put it back on, I refrained from it since I did not want to push myself too far. Even as I write this is still have the aching feeling of putting the corset back on, the yearning for the back support as I feel myself slumping over at my desk really starts to hit me after 20 minutes. I look forward to a whole new week starting Monday.